OMFG, it's so close I can taste it!

So unless you have a job, a life, no eyes and ears or just focus your attention on real life type shit you would know that the royal wedding is only a fart around the corner. I mean hell, Iv'e been so focused on the NBA playoffs I almost forgot that THIS IS PROBABLY THE MOST IMPORTANT EVENT THAT WE WILL EVER WITNESS (until the next one). More important than the moon landing, more groundbreaking than a jackhammer, bigger than Dwight's shoulder's. Shame on you for reaching for the remote when the live updates stream in. Fuck the news, this is the mother fucking news.

Ol' lady Liz has her minions in career best form for these nuptials. I feel that on the day our royals will be prepared and will put on a dazzling display of skill. Charlie does his thing, he's not gonna lead a battalion out on the field and get his hands dirty but his ears are mad big. Better whisper when you're in his palace boy! Prince Phil, the duke, the king. Seriously, hide your wives, children, boysenberry ice cream, digestive biscuits and corgi's. He's married to the queen. whats up? King Phil = problem. Then you got willy boy... Honestly, he's too nice. Yeah it's his day and all but he's an A grade chump, he'll let mother fuckers waltz straight into the paint and steal his broad. Damn soft awkward walking Queensland loving ass. Duke of Brisbane! YEEEEEOOOWWW NRL rape scandals and XXXX bitches. K- Mids is a sneaky under the radar type bitch. Girl can get it. She looks pretty tight and she collect's a limited edition ring to got with her millions of dollars worth of star wars merch. When she's dropping dimes... game over.

Haz for me is the danger man, rodger ramjet type steeze. He'll bang each bridesmaid twice then go off on a bender with the boys, shave his head and fight a bear. Heard a rumour that he's planning on fluffing during the 'i do's'. Ladsy. MVP.

I hope thats given you a little more insight into the big day. Now go get that ignorance looked at you uneducated fools.

GO MAGIC