Streetcar Named Desire.

Im an overly prepared know it all. Fuck streetcar etiquette, I'm above all that shit.

I know at what exact minute the streetcar is going to pull up to my stop, so Im going to make a move now, ousting little kids and old war veterans in the process just so I can solidify my position. I couldn't give two dicks about the fact that the streetcar is more jam packed than the Mumbai Suburban Railway at peak hour, I need to ensure I am standing right in front of the doors a good 3 stops before I am due to alight. Obstructing other members of public from getting on and off the vehicle is just a casualty of war that I am happily prepared to accept.

Oh dammit, there's an extremely good looking and well balanced Mauritian standing in the exact same position I'm meant to be in and Im only 4 stops away from when Im due to get off! If I dont get in there now, I wont be able to make it and the streetcar driver probably wont wait for me to exit and I'll end up at the end of the line or even worse in Tokyo, and have to purchase a plane ticket all the way back to College St so that I can eventually make it home. Yeah, I should definitely make a move now.

Subtlety is a dish best served cold. If I place my hand on the same pole he's holding next to the door, duck under his arm and do a little shimmy of my ass letting my massive red backpack do the rest of the work, I should be able to create enough distance between him and the steps to (not) comfortably stand.

*Oooo, swish, bang, push, twist, wiggle, tackle, punch, decapitate*

Yes! Success!!! Even though the bottom half his body is situated awkwardly between two festively plump business men, his arm at 90 degrees to his elbow and head tweaked at a position I never thought was possible, he's eventually vacated the area. I can now ride at the steps of the street car for 12 stops and make a comfortable departure before going home to play with myself because I am a cold, disrespectful and selfish bitch and as a result havent been able to hold down any form of successful companionship with anyone because I suck at life. Ah well, at least I got an A+ in Public Transport Etiquette 101.