BMXing is so '99

Now since I’ve been living up on the North Side of the map, I’ve considered this city to be pretty dope. I mean the Raptors had Carter, McGrady, Dee Brown and Mugsy Bogues all playing together for them at one stage which is pretty damn steezy. That is until I started to notice an unacceptable trend growing amongst the obviously misguided Torontonian youth that could single handedly strip this fine city of all the style points it has managed to bank over the years. For all of those who have yet to have their eyes raped, I have attached the relevant forms of media below… Beware, prolonged viewing may cause yeast infection.

Yep apparently wearing gloves whilst shredding isn't stylish enough... Gotta get dem black and grey joints with the sweet urinal cakes attached to the palm otherwise you wont be spreading the stoke. Shits indie.

Still not convinced? Peep this monstrosity. Their favourite level on Tony Hawks was probably Downhill Jam.

I generally don’t like to fuck wit negativity too much if I can avoid it. That shits contagious. But this time I just couldn't’t help myself, as I continually watch the wholesome and beloved sport of skateboarding being reduced to rubble as a result of these clowns plaguing the streets of Toronto with their do-gooder school boy attitudes and their 'Mandatory Monday' helmet skate sessions. No helmet, no play? I don't wanna wear a fucking helmet. I don't want to 'Spread the Stoke'. Fuck off. I'd rather eat a mushroom. Can you even crab walk? Tic Tac? Ah that's right, you can't because you ride a flat mis-shaped breadstick on wheels. The reason why you wear urinal cakes on your hands is so that you can try to mask the shit smell that follows you around whilst you clog up the footpaths and more imprtantly my patience. If you want to bomb hills go and get a proper throwback board and grow a kick, or fuck off and take up snowboarding. You live in Canada FFS.

Can I get a witness?